Growing...What does that really mean? Seasons...What does that really mean? If I have these two definitions correct in my mind. These are two places that God has me.
I am learning, studying, crying, listening, memorizing, crying, soaking, reading, talking, discussing, crying, and reading more. I am in a place in my life where my eyes are open, my mind is clear and I am slowly but surely surrendering.
I love when you have moments where a light bulb goes off. When you are searching and aching and then poof the answer is right before you..almost tangible.
I had some really lonely, hurt felt weeks this month that lead me to a deeper level of intimacy and understanding of why God has me where I am. I think he puts us in these places in life to mold us into the child that he has called us to be.
For some reason Griffin's diagnosis hit me different this month. Sure I have cried... but it was a deep cry a lonely deep cry that didn't just last a little while it lasted weeks. Which is really quite odd that this period of grieving is happening now after 2 years??
I am grateful for this dessert that is placed before me because it is teaching me.
It is teaching me that we are called to be different.
"so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky." Philippians 2:15
As I think of this I smile. I am so glad to know that God calls us to be different. I am so glad that one day when my son thinks he is different from everyone else I can boldly respond and say
"Yes! Yes! You are different and that is what God calls us to be! "
This dessert is clearing my vision to see my own sin. Sin that I have blocked.
I have had a clear slap in the face of Pride and how it eats at me from time to time. How I worry of what others may think (Pride). How I want to appear that I have it all together (Pride)
A second clear slap of coveting. Coveting other families...that don't have the same day to day struggles. I never noticed I did this until now.
" We are all infected and impure with sin.When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind." Proverbs 28:13
Then in that same instance he reveals the reason he has me here. In this season and greatly growing. To reveal his plan.
To be made new, not of this world. Set apart.
"my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths; Proverbs 1:15
God knew my journey way before I knew. He knew I needed a sweet, adorable, amazing, little guy to remind me daily of what IS important. Nothing of this world but --only my walk with Jesus. He knew that with out Griffin I would stray. That I would be of this world. He knew I needed a daily reminder of where my focus should be.... Eternity We are living for eternity! Which seems so simple but often forgotten...
I am enjoying growing and soaking in his word and most of all crying with tears of joy and sadness... tears that were needed long ago...tears that have healed me and continue to heal me.
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